Mark (bigfatass) wrote,

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Wow. (This is a little rambling, so please forgive me.)

It's amazing how much being presented with a different perspective on a thing can change your perception of reality. I thought I was doing pretty well with my weight. I felt like I was making progress, even though I wasn't losing 30lbs a month like I was before. I looked down at myself and saw someone who was getting lighter...

And then I got to see myself in the real world. We had a few friends over this weekend, and we went to the zoo. A photograph of me that Brooke snapped shows exactly how I look today.

I'm not making progress at all.

I'm stuck, and I think I've gained weight from where I was before I started trying to become more healthy over a year ago. It's a little depressing, but I've decided that this opportunity to see the real me has been a gift. I needed something like this to remind me of my goals, and my reasons for having them.

A few weeks ago, my friend Joe asked me why I chose this name (bigfatass) for my LJ. He was upset because he felt like I was putting myself down. I tried to explain to him that the name was intended to be a motivator for me, that I was looking forward to the day when I could close this journal and open my new one - exbigfatass, or notsobigfatass, or something else that would represent the success that I had experienced and the conclusion of my journey to better health. Unfortunately, that hasn't worked.

It's amazing what a picture can do for you.
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