Confessions of a Big Fatass
20 most recent posts

Date:2004-07-26 18:09
Subject:ahh, morphine dreams.
Mood: tired

So first some backstory.

On Thursday at about 8:30 am my brother-in-law was in an auto accident. He rolled my Isuzu Rodeo three times and suffered a broken neck, a broken left hand, a laceration on the back of his scalp and a massive contusion to his left shoulder. He's been in the hospital since then and has had surgery on his neck. He's going to be okay, but he's pretty high on morphine right now and is sleeping a lot.

Morphine does weird things to people. It can make your dreams incredibly lucid, and when you wake up from one it isn't always clear that you've been dreaming. I had an auto accident myself when I was 18, and had the most twisted, distrubed, and realistic dreams that I've ever experienced while on morphine. Mine were almost always incredibly violent, and I'd wake up screaming and crying from them very often.

Hano is aparently having different dreams than I did. He just opened his eyes, looked right at me, and said, "Where's my rocket?"

"What rocket?"

"The one that I set off. It tracks the cats."

Then he closed his eyes and went back to sleep.

I'm glad that he's not having my dreams.

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Date:2004-07-09 22:09
Subject:I am t3h win!
Mood: accomplished

Pictures inside...Collapse )

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Date:2004-04-09 21:03
Subject:Every word contained in this update is made from 100% natural letters.
Mood: amused

Today was really great.
I got out of bed because I had to throw up. I'm really sick. I mean REALLY sick.

I feel sad, because Sarah and Britney are complete bitches. They told everyone I have an STD, just because I slept with both of their boyfriends on Saturday night.

I'm so hardcore. Me and Buzz went to the mall today, and I stole a whole heap of stuff. I got a Good Charlotte CD, a couple of DVDs and some new boots. Buzz got caught, but he fought his way out, and then we stole some lady's car and smashed it into a phone booth.

Last night I had to shave my entire body. Apparently, the lice that I caught from Amanda's friend are really hard to get rid of. I look quite strange with no hair and eyebrows. I'd post pictures, but my webcam is broken.

I want to tell the world to get fucked.

I am sharpening my knives before I go to work today, because I'm going to cut out Robert's heart and feed it to him for losing my mail.

Today, I got a digital camera! Yes! Here's ten thousand photographs of my cat.

I want to say thanks to the world for absolutely fucking nothing! You all suck. I feel so alone, no one ever reads this journal, or even comments to let me know that I'm not suffering alone. It's cold here, and I want to die, but I cannot figure out how many of you to take with me when I go.

That's enough for now. But I'll leave you with this thought - sharing your life with strangers on the internet is the cheapest form of therapy available. Leave a comment and tell me I'm beautiful.

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Date:2004-03-16 22:40
Subject:Wow. (This is a little rambling, so please forgive me.)
Mood: contemplative

It's amazing how much being presented with a different perspective on a thing can change your perception of reality. I thought I was doing pretty well with my weight. I felt like I was making progress, even though I wasn't losing 30lbs a month like I was before. I looked down at myself and saw someone who was getting lighter...

And then I got to see myself in the real world. We had a few friends over this weekend, and we went to the zoo. A photograph of me that Brooke snapped shows exactly how I look today.

I'm not making progress at all.

I'm stuck, and I think I've gained weight from where I was before I started trying to become more healthy over a year ago. It's a little depressing, but I've decided that this opportunity to see the real me has been a gift. I needed something like this to remind me of my goals, and my reasons for having them.

A few weeks ago, my friend Joe asked me why I chose this name (bigfatass) for my LJ. He was upset because he felt like I was putting myself down. I tried to explain to him that the name was intended to be a motivator for me, that I was looking forward to the day when I could close this journal and open my new one - exbigfatass, or notsobigfatass, or something else that would represent the success that I had experienced and the conclusion of my journey to better health. Unfortunately, that hasn't worked.

It's amazing what a picture can do for you.

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Date:2004-02-22 20:43
Subject:Do I have what?
Mood: confused

I went to the local mega-chain supermarket to pick up a few things, including cat box litter and cat food. I take my various goods up to the checkout line and unload my cart onto the conveyor. I quietly wait my turn in line, and when it's time for me to pay for my purchases, I greet the cashier with a polite, "Good evening." She looks me directly in the eyes and says, "Hi there... do you have cats?"

Holy crap.

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Date:2004-02-21 13:32
Subject:I love the smell of stop bath in the morning
Mood: high

Well, the darkroom is coming along nicely. The table is built over the sink and toilette; the enlarger is in place and plugged in. The safelight is perched precariously over the already installed flourescent fixture. All that's left to do is to paint the table and mix the chemistry.

Speaking of chemistry, everyone should be warned that Kodak Indicator Stop Bath concentrate is strong enough to melt your nostril hairs off. Holy crap. Imagine the smell of white vinegar. Now imagine that smell concentrated 64 times and you've got the idea. Hopefully my sense of smell will have returned by the time we get to this Middle-Eastern lunch place that we're visiting today.

I love chemistry.

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Date:2004-02-21 09:09
Subject:I see things, I see them with my eyes

create your own visited states map

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Date:2003-09-21 00:57
Subject:Isabel, sweet Isabel...
Mood: tired


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Date:2003-07-21 01:55
Subject:Angry the Bear
Mood: amused

Our friend myschevious and her boyfriend Scott came down here this weekend and we visited the Bonny Doon Winery tasting room. myschevious brought her bear, Angry, with her. He climbed up a tree and hammed it up for the camera.

Pictures inside...Collapse )

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Date:2003-07-18 05:25
Subject:M-O-O-N, that spells "nifty"...
Mood: accomplished


Took this tonight through the telescope that I'm leaving behind with my friend John. I'm pretty happy with the way it came out since I just held the camera up to the eyepiece and took the shot.

I wish that I could afford to buy the lenses that I want, and lots of Velvia and Kodachrome, and processing, and a really good slide scanner. I really love film. There's just something comforting about holding a slide in your hand, or looking at a page full of slides on a light box. The pictures just pop out at you... screaming, saturated, vividly colorful images that make your heart swell. Alas, I'm moving and poor and so digital will have to do for now.

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Date:2002-08-30 08:54
Subject:Martha sez The Terrorists(tm) have succeeded!
Mood: amused

According to Martha Stewart, if her employees don't host the annual company dinner party at their own houses for their co-workers at (mostly) their own expense, then The Terrorists Have Won!

<sings>Martha's going to jaaaaa-il; Martha's going to jaaaaa-il...</sings>

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Date:2002-08-14 18:05
Mood: calm

Click here for graphic depctions of self mutilationCollapse )
'Nuff said.

-Mark, a (changed) big fatass.

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Date:2002-07-18 18:00
Subject:By face ith dumb...
Mood: numb

I went to the dentist today. I've decided three things:

  • Dental insurance is a Good Thing(tm). $600 of work for $90 is a damn good deal no matter how you approach it.

  • Taking care of your teeth is as important as anything else. If your teeth aren't taken care of, you'll either lose them or spend lots of time and money getting them fixed. Both options suck.

  • I hate novocaine. Well, not really hate, exactly. I like not feeling a thing as the dentist drills down into the depths of my mouth. But I hate having the entire right side of my face numb for 5 hours. I'd almost rather deal with the pain of the work. The person that invents a novocaine canceling agent that can be taken after the work is done and takes effect immediately will be rich, mark my words.

That's all for now, really. I'm tired and I have to work tonight. I'm sure ladonne would like for me to be on time, maybe even a little early. I'll do my best.

-Mark, a (freshly repaired) big fatass.

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Date:2002-07-14 21:23
Subject:[Geek-out Warning]
Mood: excited

I bought a radio the other day from a friend of mine that was selling all his gear. It's a Yaesu FT-847. Last night I took it to my friend Steve's house, and participated in a contest called the IARU HF World Championship. Imagine hundreds (thousands?) of people all over the world, sitting in front of a microphone or morse code key, trying to talk to as many of each other as possible during a 24-hour period. I was doing morse code most of the time. A typical exchange went like this (note: my callsign is KA8I, the other person in this example is W1AW/5):

cq cq test de w1aw/5 w1aw/5 test
ka8i 5nn arrl
r 5nn 6
tu cq cq test de w1aw/5...

note that it took longer for me to type it than it did to send it in morse code. It was crazy.

After the contest ended, I decided to try another feature of the radio out: Amateur Satellites. I was able to talk through a satellite called RS-12/13 and hear my own signal coming back. Not a first for me, but a first with my own rig. So that was pretty exciting too.

heath and I are going to build some antennas to do satellite work this week. Anyway, enough geekout. Back to work.

-Mark, a (contesting) big fatass.

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Date:2002-07-11 01:25
Subject:Work work work
Mood: annoyed

I was supposed to be off today, but aparently someone in one of our other datacenters fell ill and I was asked to cover his shift. So here I am at work, nothing going on. Hopefully it continues like this until 9am.

Dinner last night was tasty. I made pan grilled catfish seasoned with cajun seasoning. I also took a stab at the grilled romaine heart salad. I need to research that some more, it was good but not as good as heath's was.

Back to being bored.

-Mark, a (working, dammit) big fatass.

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Date:2002-07-10 15:06
Subject:Pottery by Lance
Mood: amused

Need some spiffy new dishes for a fancy party? Is Lance Henriksen your favorite actor? Well now there's pottery just for you. Who knew?

-Mark, a (webtrolling) big fatass.

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Date:2002-07-10 13:35
Mood: busy

I'm still alive, just very busy. Weighed in this morning at 295lbs. Progress is always good, regardless of how small that progress may be. At least, that's what I keep telling myself.

-Mark, a big fatass.

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Date:2002-07-09 00:42
Subject:Long day, good ending
Mood: content

Went hiking today. The long way around. I didn't die, either. Actually, we're going to start going the long way around from now on, apparently. I don't mind though. I like the way it feels when I'm done. I'm tired, but almost ready to go again.


Anyway, if you're curious, this is the trail we're hiking. We've been going from Park HQ, to the split where you can turn right, back around the loop and down to the park HQ. It's easier that way. If you go the other way (all the way north, then around to the east and back down to HQ), there's a 1/4 mile stretch where you go up about 500 feet. It's steep as hell, and it hurts. So that's the way we're going to go from now on.

(another_day) went with us today, and she did really well. I'm proud of her for going, and even more proud that she finished with not a word of complaint. Soon she'll be out in front and we'll all be begging her to slow down.

(heath) made dinner after. Grilled chicken and grilled romaine heart salad. Damn that was good. I'll be making that myself next week I think. I'll post a recipe when I've got it down.

Enough for now. Must code.

-Mark, a (very busy) big fatass.

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Date:2002-07-06 19:14
Subject:Mark's Turkey and Rice Stuffed Peppers and Tomatoes
Mood: happy

2 large red bell peppers
2 medium tomatoes
2/3 cup prepared brown rice
1/2 lb ground turkey
3 shallots
3 cloves garlic
2tbsp plus 3tbsp olive oil
1/4 cup parmesan or romano cheese
herbs to taste
salt and pepper to taste

Cut the tops off of the peppers and tomatoes. Clean them out, save the tops, and refrigerate. Finely chop shallots and garlic. Saute in 2tbsp olive oil for about 5 minutes, until soft and beginning to become translucent. Add ground turkey, herbs, salt and pepper to taste. Cook until turkey browns. Set aside to cool.

Mix rice and turkey mixture together with 3tbsp olive oil. Stuff peppers and tomatoes with mixture, topping with cheese. Brush the outside of each lightly with olive oil, then bake in a round casserole for 20-25 minutes, or until top begins to brown. Serve upright on plate with tops on, or lying on a side with tops leaned up against them.


-Mark, a big fatass (in the kitchen).

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Date:2002-07-06 10:44
Subject:297 and falling
Mood: accomplished

I guess it's time for a new short term goal. I didn't expect to get here so quickly, so I'm not sure what a reasonable 60 day goal is at this point. I think I'll shoot for 275 by Sept 1.

I'm still planning on going hiking today. I might try the 5 mile trail today, not sure. I'm still tired and sore from yesterday but I'm very encouraged by the drop in weight. So we'll see.

Last thing, hello to eryr, the first person I've never met to add me to their friends list. Thanks!

-Mark, a (happy but tired) big fatass

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